She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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