Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
