I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
