I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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