I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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