dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
