I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
