shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
