I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
