This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
