Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
