a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
