bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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