I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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