I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
