god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
