You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Shame - the story of my life.
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