i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
