there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
