Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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