I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
