I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
