just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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