Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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