if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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