just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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