I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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