Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
