Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
