I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
