I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
