Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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