she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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