I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
