it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
