Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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