Are we in a gay sports bar?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
