Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
