i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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