How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
