who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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