guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
