Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
