I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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