sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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