I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
