please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
