I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
