well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
