apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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