Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
